Reset

Bodybuilding has been an important part of my life for the last 16 years. I've wanted a great body and The Universe has provided it to me. But like everyone does I was so focused on that one aspect of my life that I lost sight of the bigger picture. My Guardians intervened and smacked me down last year with an injury in order that I may open my eyes and realise that I was on the wrong path. It was a lesson for me to learn that what I was being given I was not sharing with the world.

But I did not pay it the attention I should have so they did it again to make me sit up and take note. I understand now why all the events in my life have taken place. It all makes sense and I am better prepared to face the road ahead. Nothing happened by chance or coincidence. If I do not change course and correct the mistakes of the past through what I have learned they will leave me and let me fend for myself. 

So like a computer I have hit the reboot/reset button. I have released the past. Let's start over again, but with the knowledge they have given me, let me do it right this time. Let me not loose track of the bigger picture again. MY PURPOSE! With the help of The Universe I know that this time I can and I will do it properly. 

"We can love and live forever, we can taste these feelings come alive and my interest is in love! There's no conflict from above! I'm asking for mercy, asking don't hurt me.....LOVE LOVE LOVE."

Eyes wide SHUT!

For the 38 years of my life walking the planet I have been blind. I have focused on obtaining shit that when you take it to the singular means NOTHING! I exit this world the way I entered....NAKED! Its a clean page! A fresh start! A beginning has an end...there is always balance. There is only one thing I want entering this life as I do when I leave it....LOVE!

I have spent yersterday afternoon with a very true and genuine close friend. The Law of Attraction is ensuring that at this point of departure of my old self I am provided with  the support and guidance of other like minded thinkers. I have to acknowledge and thank my Guardians for this, I am humbled and always grateful by your presence. We all have Guardians, some of us deny their existence and this is done to your detriment. We have those moments in our lives when we feel their intervention...something will be provided to you when u need it and you put it down to chance or coincidence. NOTHING is coincidental or happens by chance!!! It's your Guardians letting you know they are with you. Everything in your life happens for a reason.

If you accept this fact then the lessons you learn will provide you with the confidence to tackle life's twists and turns. We make the error of focusing on the problem rather than the solution. We loose focus of the bigger picture and fixate on the problem. The solution is always....YOU!  I have a client who is brilliant at what he does. Works in advertising and is always in demand and is therefore very successful. His work has taken over his life. The stress in his life has now manifested in health issues. He has taken care of business, but he has not taken care of HIMSELF!

Somewhere along the way we loose track of ourselves. We immerse and comfort ourselves in our own stress. We falsely believe that it gives us purpose. What you don't know is that its killing you. It becomes your Achilles Heel! Spending time with my friend yesterday afternoon, he told me the story of a possible suitor that he could have had a relationship with. The problem with this man was that his life was empty and in order to fill it he had surrounded himself with "nice" things. Instead of looking at the core problem we burden ourselves with even more shit and create more stress and think we are serving a purpose. You are always your own purpose! He is so involved in buying and keeping more "nice" things that he can not see the value of having someone true and genuine in his life. At some point he will be faced with the possibility of loosing all he has accumulated. His Guardians will do this to him to make him see where in his life he is at fault. He would need to acknowledge them, be thankful to them for all they provide and from the experience of suffering learn not to make the same mistake.

Everything I have endured and suffered has prepared me for what is to come. I have learned the error of my way's. Timing is everything and everything happens for a reason!

Misled!

NOTHING in my life happens by coincidence! I told you this week I went to go see a psychic. One of the things she told me is that I am easily misled. Which I know is true. I allow people who I crave acceptance from to take advantage of me. I have had two such episodes occur again this week. But because she verbalised this to me I am now very aware of it,  and can protect myself from it.

So there again have been two incidents this week where I have had people try mislead me. But my intuition has sprung into action and protected me from being taken advantage of. I can now instantly tell when this is happening! The first incident was with a colleague at work. We where walking down memory lane and discussing our party days. I'm done with that actually. But the colleague wants to relive it with me again sometime....not going to happen! The second was someone I told something personal about myself to who in turn, tried to use that very same information for their benefit and earn my trust.  My eyes are open! I am not going to be so easily misled by anyone!

Can't believe how much duplicity is at work this week. Two month's ago my car broke down. The battery died. So I had a friend pick me up so I could go buy another battery. I've had the same issue this morning on my way to work. And the very same friend had to come to my rescue again. Timing is everything and I realised why in that spot at the time it happened I needed him to be there and he was. I had to make an affirmation to him and I did. That same affirmation I had to make to my next client as there were only 2 scheduled for the day, so I got to work and told him what I told my 9am client.

The affirmation  I made to them requires that they believe something in me and don't doubt it. I'm asking something of them, and they have to believe I'm not misleading them...

Failure and Rejection

I have had substantial interest shown in my blog. And I am humbled and thankful for that! To date, and still counting, I have had over 1500 page views and that's just from Sunday when I started this forum. A very dear close friend, who happens to be a client, suggested that because of the large internet traffic I'm generating I apply "Ad-sense" to my blog in order to generate another source of income. They in turn responded and here is their email...

adsense-support@google.com	4:26 PM (2 hours ago)
to me

Hello LLoyd Campbell,

Thank you for your interest in Google AdSense. After reviewing your
application, our specialists have found that it does not meet our program
criteria. Therefore, we are unable to accept you into our program.

We have certain policies in place that we believe will help ensure the
effectiveness of Google ads for our publishers as well as for our
advertisers. We review all publishers, and we reserve the right to decline
any application. As we grow, we may find that we are able to expand our
program to more web publishers with a wider variety of web content.

Please note that we may not be able to respond to inquiries regarding the
specific reasons for our decision. Thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely,

The Google AdSense Team

Which got me to thinking about how people deal with rejection and failure in their lives....

I have always regarded criticism and failure as a road to success. If you have not encountered either in your life you have not GROWN personally. I have had many failures and many successes, But it's actually the failures I end up valuing more, because you are able LEARN something VALUABLE of yourself. Without failure you cannot develop further. 

I had a friend on Facebook who posted one day that he had never failed anything in his life other than his driving license and his Quantum Physics exam and he was pondering what that meant to him as a person...WHAT THE FUCK??? It means you are HUMAN!!!!!! Without failure we do not LEARN! We need to be challenged! Life would be very mundane and boring without it! You would not VALUE what you have achieved or LOST! It would have NO significance to you or other's around you. Just because you think of yourself as intelligent does not make you intelligent enough to AVOID failure. Nor does thinking you are stupid! Neither makes you immune to the fact that learning from the experience makes you SUCCEED! 

"One small step for man, one GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND!"

My Comedy of Errors

This week has been the strangest week of my life. But the pieces of the puzzle are beginning to fall into place. All my life I've known there was something about me that was different. I had something that set me apart from the rest of the pack. But because of how society conditions us, we like to all stay the same and I denied my gift for the sake of my sense of feeling that I needed to belong. Like zebra we take comfort in numbers. We don't want to stand out from the crowd. What I've realised now is that I am being guided by spirits/angels/guardians...I have always been. But I was not acknowledging or being thankful to them for all they are providing me. Everything I am enduring I am going through for a purpose. In the back of my mind I knew this, I just could not acknowledge it for fear of being shunned.

I'm living quite a life! I had a hard childhood, but like everything I survived and came out of it normal. I never look back at it with regret for it made me who I am today. Everything that happens in your life prepares you for what is to come. Being a child though, this fact escapes you. You are focused on the now, not the future. You're preoccupied with your coming to terms with sexuality, your sense of belonging and acceptance to friends and family and the pressure to show your peers that you will perform well in the future. You are competing for your place in the sun so you can shine. 

After school is when you actually get a chance to start determining you own path. Before that your parents have decided, on the most part, which school you attended, and  the school  mostly decides everything else. Out of school your options open. Which college, technical college or university to attend? Do you continue studying at all? Take a sabbatical and travel for a year? Find employment immediately? Everyone of us has a calling that will determine where you will end up. A specific need requires a specific solution. For example in a movie like "Pretty Woman", Julia Robert's was outstanding in that movie. Now would it have been such a hit if the cast was different from what it was. The magic to the movie would have been less had anyone else other than those who starred in it not been cast. A specific need requires a specific solution. She was born to play that specific role, and many other's. Your calling in life may come to you early or late, but whatever you do, know that you were meant to be there at that specific time.

I did start studying after school like most of my friends. I  decided on doing a BComm through UNISA and passed my first year. Barely! Like a child taking it's first steps and not being constrained by a walking ring, I wanted to explore my world. My new found freedom became overwhelming and after 12 years of studying it was actually the last thing I wanted to do. So I let loose in a big way. I failed my second year and decided that I would begin working instead. I had a great job, manager of a bar, and life was great. Had money, bought a car...I was at the top of my game. Or so I thought. I got a little too big for my shoes and The Universe decided to teach me a lesson. I lost it all...except for my car. I went from managing a very cool bar back to waitering. Life began to get stressful for me. One day at a farewell party of a friend who was relocating to Johannesburg, I was still living in Durban at the a time, a girl who I'd never met walked up to me and said "You are different than the rest here. I can feel your energy." I looked at her a little shocked but not surprised for I knew of what she spoke. This was the first time someone had vocalised to me something I knew intuitively within myself but did not want believe. She told me that my energies needed to be given the freedom to expand and that would best be achieved close to mountains, however when I started to succeed again she said I needed to tell other's the reason for my success. She told me she had a book in her car she wanted me to read as it would change my life and explain what she was saying. The book she gave me was "The Celestine Phrophecy" by James Redfield. I still have that book. It was like my eyes were opened for the first time. I read it over and over. I had never read something like that which I felt spoke to me on a personal  and spiritual level. I knew that it meant I needed to make a huge change in my life so I started searching....

I was around 22 at this time, still in the restaurant business and knew change was coming. I thought that maybe it was time to travel so using my experience I could get into Hotels and again begin living the high life. I was not schooled properly in hotel management, so knew that I would first have to do my time in a hotel on the pimple on the ass end of the world, where no one else wanted to work, for long enough so as so get experienced to move to a more glamourous place. That pimple turned out to be Potgietersrus. I was appointed Assistant Food and Beverage  Manager. I'd never been outside of my province and had to look on a map where it was. It was a shock to all around me that this is where I choose to go, but I knew I had to. So I packed my clothes in my car and drove and drove and drove some more until I reached the town. What struck me about Potgierersus, now Mokopane, is the fact that it's nestled within a MOUNTAIN range. The Waterberg Mountain's are a beautiful feature of this side of the world and I immediately felt a surge of energy within me. The words of the anonymous girl from the party echoed in my ears. 

Again my star began to rise. Within a year I was promoted and my success was raging. Everything in my life was going the way I wanted. I was approached by a financier and given the opportunity to start my own business, which I did. I was 24!!!!! By 26 I'd established two businesses from the ground up. I met a stunning girl from an established and well known family and was having the time of my life. I was THE man, I was THE SHIT...MR POPULAR!!!! Again I made the mistake of letting it all go to my head, and I had all but forgotten about what the anonymous girl back at the party in Durban had told me. I had not learned to remain humble and share, so the Universe decided again to remind me of how small I am!!!

I have always had issues with trying to fit in. I knew I was gay and different from a young age. I tried to please everyone around me by being someone I was not. The Universe decided it time for me to face up to this fact and try teach me the error of my ways. The day my wife and I landed from honeymoon(we'd  been to the Maldives), my gay side decided it time to "come out" and play. My life was about to get complicated very quickly again. I entered a very confused and traumatic time. I am not very proud of what transpired, but know now why I had to go through it. I carried guilt with me for many years to come. In the mean time my life fell apart and I basically lost the plot and everything in it! 

It took two years for me to find myself. Coming out of a divorce and not knowing who I was, where I was or what I wanted anymore left me broken. It took time to pick up the pieces of my "straight" self and add them to the personality of my "gay" self who I actually knew nothing about. I was now 30 and looking at my life with doubt. I had never lived a "gay" lifestyle and had no fucking clue how my life would be from here on "out". That's when I met my first long-term same sex partner. And I was very fortunate that I met him. He taught me so much, we fought every step of the way, but that's what made his lesson's stick with me. He bought a house and we moved in together. I was still reeling from what had happened to me for the last couple years, and being in Johannesburg for the first time was definitely struck with the Bright Lights Big City Syndrome. I wanted the power and prestige I had when I was in Mokopane. But that was not to be for I had not learned enough yet. The Universe decided to teach me the value of relationships, so I had my "Clash of the Titan's" and "Wrath of the Gods" episodes. The Universe has also shown me it will give me what I want when I want it, but it will also take it all away again....it is that POWERFUL!!!!

So the forces at work in my life have made themselves known to me this week in a BIG way. The Mothership has landed!!! I've been bitch slapped and told to wake the fuck up or else loose everything forever. Where I go to from here is up to me, you will be kept in the loop though with every step I take. Timing is everything....and everything happens for a reason! I've learned my lessons in a specific order for a specific reason... and that reason is YOU! ;-) 

Echo

So yesterday after all that transpired I went back to work in  a trance. In truth I should have cancelled my afternoon sessions and just come home and slept. Walking into the building the word "Planet" stuck me like a  bolt of lightning. There was a reason I had to leave my previous place of employment and come here. I sat in the foyer at reception and just absorbed it all in. As I was sitting there children walked passed smiling. When I related the days events to my  afternoon client's every single one of them in turn had another message to give me. They could all relate in some way to what I was going through and understood the purpose. I only managed 2 hours of sleep last night.

Today I was about numerology for me. Everything I did or required involved  numbers. The number which predominantly made itself known was 2. I had to do everything twice today for the same thing. I visited the cafe across the road twice for a cold drink, I had to go twice to get a script filled had my car refueled twice at the same Petrol Station. I've had to retype sms's and message's twice cos of spelling errors(I'm finding it a challenge to type anything now actually). Have heard certain particular song's twice...it goes on and on..

I did decide to see a clairvoyant today. Which reaffirmed what was I thinking and possibly more. My mind is becoming calm now. I'm not as high strung as yesterday. Been running around all day actually and am exhausted. I need to get some shut eye... my brain feels less numb!

"DOS" Part 2 - Day of Atonement!

2 days ago I had 2 visits from separate people and the common denominator in both conversations was my car. The first visit was from the long lost friend who made the remark concerning my car being cursed. What I failed to mention is that we also talked of 2 near death experiences that have occurred in his life. I've always had a premonition that I would die in a car accident that's why his comment regarding my car was of value to me. The second visitor who I'd made a remark of regarding his character had requested to see me in 2 days. That request was made in front of my car. It dawned on me that I could very well have a car accident 2 days hence. 2 weeks ago I was on my way to work and at a specific juncture in the road in joining another I almost had an accident. At the same spot this morning I was almost involved in exactly the same type of collision but this time the car was a branded security guarding vehicle. This was 2 days since I had that premonition.

My saving grace was that I had changed the sequencing of Monday's events. If you read "Dos" everything was about the number 2. To alter the sequence I added a blog to the chain of events for that day. The importance of this was made clear to me by my first client of today. It was legs day and I had him doing walking lunges. He had not progressed far enough for my liking so I asked him to complete another lunge. He very startled said "but that would make 13!" so I told him to add another lunge at the end in order to change the sequence. That was message or confirmation  #1 of the day.

Yesterday I was walking up a flight of stairs at work reading something I had blogged off my cell phone. I was surprised when my eyes became aware of certain words jumping out at me. I thought it was my eyesight playing tricks or the lighting in the stair well so put my cell back in my pocket and did not give it a second thought. The second conversation of the day was about how my client could communicate with his cell phone using an application called "Siri". He would talk to it and it would fluently talk back to him. Which was strange because 2 weeks ago I had activated the voice recognition software on my laptop. But I failed to realise that what I was doing wrong was talking to it like you would a machine eg "START", SEARCH" and "STOP". Whereas he was asking it "How is the weather in Bangkok?" and it would reply something in the line of "The weather in Bangkok today is..." or even ask it "Who's your DADDY?" and it would respond "YOU ARE!!!!!" I immediately realised that you need to understand the language you are being spoken to in to respond properly. If someone was deaf, blind and mute you would both use touch to communicate. You both need to understand the SAME language for communication to occur. I deduced that I was therefore being VISUALLY communicated with by something that could not communicate in any other way. That was message/confirmation  #2 of the day! My third conversation was about how sometimes you need to be gently pushed in order to make a decision or act on something. Like if you teetering on the fence about something and you need a little nudge from an outside source to make a decision or act on it. Which, ironically, my blog last night was about. This was message/confirmation #3 of the day.

2nd client for the day arrived and I could sense in him something was wrong. So I asked him to tell me what was on his mind that was troubling him. He told me about the fact that he was missing his parents who had passed some years back and because he's had an intimate relationship with them he was longing for their company. I changed the subject in order to lift his mood and we moved on with the session. The conversation turned to the topic of those people in life who have suffered and end up not making others suffer like they did. For example, a bully at school who's bullied you, does not then in turn make you become a bully to. You are able to endure the humiliation but do not then yourself in life need to humiliate others. You choose a different life path. The ability do do this comes from the fact that those with a sense of Learning or KNOWLEDGE(Which I had already blogged about!) are capable of changing their outlook. This was message/confirmation #4.  Five minutes before the end of the session he turned to me and said "I feel like I've just spoken with my FATHER!" I looked at him in amazement considering what he'd said at the beginning of the session. The irony had not been lost on him either.

Enter client for the day number three and my 2nd leg workout of the day! The session started well and proceeded without incident, until I looked at my client's shoes. I had failed to notice until the end of his session that he had bought new laces. The colour of those laces is BRIGHT YELLOW!!! How had I failed to see this until the end of the session amazed me. I remarked on them in passing but also realised the significance of the VISUAL importance of them. We proceeded to do the last exercise of the day and the importance of today's date was made clear to me. It's the Day of Atonement. Directly thereafter he made a remark of his cousin being in Portugal. The significance of the YELLOW and PORTUGAL on this SPECIAL day was made clear to me regarding a certain missing girl I had dreamt of MONTH'S earlier and had almost but forgotten about. Hence my email and blog at lunchtime today to the authorities in the UK. This was message/confirmation #5. "Timing is everything and everything happens for a reason!" was my closing statement to the blog "Believe".

I was somewhat mentally overloaded by all this information and decided I needed to get some air and have a coffee. So in a complete HAZE I walked across the road to my local cafe. There I was met by a waitress who's served me numerous times but has never spoken to me. I've been frequenting this place for the last 2 months. She noticed my bewilderment and said softly "Everything will be OK, my name is FAITH!" Now if bells and whistle's are not going off in your head they sure are mine. I had written a blog regarding beliefs YESTERDAY!!! And considering all that's all ready happened so far this was too much!!

So I decided I needed a friend to talk to. But that was not the end of the strange events. I had to validate my parking ticket so went back to work to do so. At the machine where I needed to do this a woman was sitting eating curry. Me being originally from Durban, which has a large Indian community, curries are almost a staple food and I love them. So i remarked about that and we had a laugh. I went to my car and a song on the radio that was playing made me listen intently to the words because of the lyrics being sung and their meaning to me and the world. Now I'm about to explode mentally. In driving to my friend I took a wrong turn and in trying to get back on track made a right turn into a street named "CURRIE". I'm not making this up!!!!

I went to the friend who visited me 2nd on Monday and we had a little chat. I told him what had happened and it was too much even for him to comprehend and he needed time for it to sink in and I had the overwhelming need to type an email to the UK police so I left. I got home, typed the email and sent it. Then I went back to work.

What happened next I'm still trying to process and it will have to wait until tomorrow's blog. I've been up for sometime now and need some sleep. Can't wait to tell you what happened next...