FEAR!

What is FEAR? To me it's an irrational emotion which induces immobilisation, fleeing from or confrontation toward both an unknown and known threat. Wickipedia describes it so: "Fear is an emotion induced by a perceived threat that causes animals to move quickly away from the location of the perceived threat, and sometimes hide. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger. In short, fear is the ability to recognize danger leading to an urge to confront it or flee from it (also known as the fight-or-flight response) but in extreme cases of fear (horror and terror) a freeze or paralysis response is possible."

I have always feared three things in my life. Heights! Failure! And Loneliness! As a 5 year old toddler, I was hung out of an 8 story building window by my then mother's drunk boyfriend, as punishment for playing with my "Lego" set and leaving it lying on the floor. He had inadvertantly stepped onto a piece, which in turn hurt his foot. Instictively, I knew if he let go I would die, but I was not as worried as my mother was, because I knew I would go to Heaven. Her fear of my death instilled fear in me. From that day forth I cannot bare standing anyware near the egde of anything too high for my comfort zone. But surprisingly I can get into an areoplane and have even been in a microlight during a very windy August month. I have yet to try bungee jumping...or skydiving!

A friend the other day jokingly remarked that, after a recent break-up of mine, I was sure to find another replacement boyfriend soon enough. Which made me sit back and think. The longest I have been alone is probably about 3 months. I have always had a partner. Which got me to thinking why this was. It's probaly because of  my mother, God Rest Her Soul, who was the only provider to a household of four and if I lost her we would not have been provided for as well as she tried to do. Not that my dependency relies on other's. It's a security issue I have. My Mother, although an alcoholic, did Her best with what She had, to at least give us(I have two sisters) the stability of a loving home. Unfortunately my Mother could not conquer Her fears and was taken from us 7 years ago by Her alcoholism. I know She's in a better place and I take solice in the fact that Her pain and suffering has ended.

Failure. What I fear from failure is disappointment. Disappointment in that I have not tried hard enough at a task set me, either by my performance or other's achievements. I've always maintained if you are going to do something, then do it properly. (The only exceptions with me are washing dishes and filing...and making my bed! I may need commentary from a phsycologist regarding this). I was completely devastated at school when for the first time I failed a Technical Drawing exam. But I took comfort in the fact that it was really nothing I was interested in anyhow. I can barely draw a stick man, and as for a bowl of fruit, that's a complete tragedy all on its own. Where would humanity be today if no one failed? Would we be as truly grateful for their achievements or their lives?

But what FEAR has done is teach me about the experience of it and that I learn from it.  I will learn and try and confront it. Yes, in the beginning I may want to flee or I may be paralised by it. BUT I WILL ALWAYS CONFRONT IT IN THE END! I will not shy away from it. I have flown half way across the world in both directions of east and west for a holiday. I have failed exams and relationships, but I have always learned from those failures something about myself which prepares me for the success of the future. As for loneliness, it does not actually exist because God is always with me. So in the end I have nothing to fear and that's why its irrational to me. We fear what we do not know, in order to learn and apply that knowledge later in life.

Change is coming and we all fear change. I embrace it. As you should to. The Mayans have predicted the end of the world. It's only the ending of an age and the beginning of a new one. "We have nothing to fear except fear itself" -  Franklin D Roosevelt, 32nd President of the United States(1933-1945).