From the Frying Pan and into The Fire

The last 2 years of my life have been a huge learning curve for me. I've gone from the frying pan into the fire. Through the mistakes I've made, and the hardship that they brought upon me, I was able to look inward at myself, and realise that I needed to change. The reason for my hardship is my own doing. I've been self critical of myself all my life, therefore what I've thought of myself has manifested in my life. If you constantly think of yourself as inadequate, not deserving...anything less than you are, those thoughts are what your life will become.

God and His Universe wants to give you what you want. Really!...and also what you really don't want. When  I started bodybuilding some 14 years ago I weighed 63kgs. I did not have high self-esteem or any confidence. I knew I was capable of more, so set about changing my physique. Unlike Lance Armstrong, I'm not afraid to admit that I cheated, and used enhancing substances to get what I wanted. This was my first mistake, for I got fixated on my body and what I looked like. My legs in particular became my focal point and I trained them till the cows came home. No matter what people told me regarding their size, I thought they looked like toothpicks. 

Me 2011 pre-ACL surgery

Eventually, my thoughts caught up with me, and in 2011, I suffered my first major injury. I tore my left Anterior Cruciate Ligament, which was reattached through surgery. I was out of action for most of that year. I decided to make a comeback in 2012 and in September, again, I suffered an injury. This time to my right leg, in that I tore the Medial Head of the Gastrocnemius and strained my Achilles Tendon (The irony of this injury was not lost on me). God had given me what I wanted, which was a great set of legs. However, because I kept thinking they were too small...The Universe decided to let my thoughts manifest...This was the beginning of me starting to question myself and the methodology I was using in order to get what I wanted. I was not being wise in using enhancing substances, and had also let bodybuilding become the overall  reason for my existence. I had become stuck in my life through my own vanity, and was essentially limiting any further potential I had. In order for me to grow or mature, I needed to release the obsession that I had over my physique. 

My Left Leg 2011

My Right Calve 2012

Basically, throughout my life, I've been the reason for my own undoing. The thoughts that I've had about myself, is what my life has become. I've had to change my way, in order to allow change in my life to occur. This, however, is not an easy task, especially when God and His Universe takes you to rock bottom. I've had to stop the internal dialogue that existed in me for years, in which I kept undermining myself. I've had to practice "not doing" ie I've had to stop any thought, and any action that did not appeal to my Higher Self or was not positively rewarding to myself or others. Its been a paradigm shift for me. 

I have released the old and I am welcoming the new. Not that I have stopped training entirely, I've just ceased the overall importance that it held in my life. One door closes another opens. We truly become what we think. If we become fixated on a problem in our lives, we stand a chance of becoming stuck, and then not being able to develop ourselves any further. Apparently my future potential lies in me being a writer...so I'm looking forward to exploring this new venture. In light of this new revelation, I have added a "Donation" tab to my blog, writers need to earn a living to...if you feel that this post, and my Blog, has contributed to a Higher Level of yourself, and should you so wish to make a donation as a token of thanks, I would be grateful. I have also added the translation widget, so that you may now hopefully read my blog in your own language.

God Bless You! God Be with You!

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